Author’s note: I started this nine days ago. Clearly, hitting the “Publish” button never happened. Let’s try this again, shall we??
Trying to update a blog with an active toddler in the house is like trying to brush your teeth while eating Oreos: not impossible but not recommended. I’m sure I’ve used this analogy before and it won’t be the last time either.
I’ve been improving since my last update. Physically, I’m much better. I hurt
less than I did hardly at all and I can pick my girl up again and don’t need my friends to babysit me. My doctor still can’t believe I didn’t feel worse than I did with a ruptured embryo inside me. As Matt put it: I stub my toe, I’m out of work for a week; embryo ruptures, I’m fine. I have another follow up in October in a couple weeks. If things go as I anticipate, we’ll be doing an embryo transfer in November or December.
Mentally, I’m improving by millimeters. I did have a big break down a couple weeks ago. Poor kiddo was witness to it and for the first time in her whole life, she was completely stoic. She didn’t cry because I was, but it certainly bothered her. She looked at Daddy for guidance and would pat me. I still think of my lil angel and try to take comfort that s/he is with my dad.
Speaking of, in 3 weeks, it’ll be the one year anniversary of his passing. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long and it feels like it’s been endless. I miss him every single second of every single day. It’s slowly becoming okay. He’s with me and that’s enough.
I really forgot where I was going with this entry and maybe that’s okay. I’ll regroup and try again another day. Right now, I’m watching a documentary on PBS (I know!) about female comedians (comediennes?).