When I Grow Up

This whole exhausting, discouraging job search really is becoming the bane of my existence. It’s making me question my abilities, my desires, and, sadly, my worth. And that’s the most troubling thing of all.

I want to say it was April some time that I really put forth a more concerted effort to find something full time. It was recently that I was made aware that my resume has been holding me back ::head slap:: So I revamped it, but I’m still not feeling optimistic.

I’ll admit to having been lazy in the job hunt over the last years. I was content to doing what I was doing. It’s a pretty decent gig, this being an adjunct thing. I can determine my schedule, I get to do what I enjoy. But… it’s not paying the bills. I have nothing predictable and regular. It’s finally wearing on me. My babysitter asked me what I’m doing in January and I don’t know.  Something about that seems… unnatural? Wrong. It feels wrong.

I’m a teacher but I’m so much more than that. I teach college English, but I’m savvy with student support, verbal and written communication, technology/social media. I apply for communications-related jobs and get overlooked. I apply for administrative jobs and get overlooked. I apply for anything I’m remotely qualified for and get overlooked because I’ve spent 8 years as an adjunct. I’m being punished for my own complacency.

I feel like my only option is to supplement with retail and I’d rather have my teeth pulled out with needle-nose pliers like my dad jokingly threatened for years. There’s a fine line between doing what you have to and settling and I refuse to settle.

I really have no one to blame but myself, but I have to partially point a finger at anyone who made delusional promises that getting the degrees I earned would make me marketable and employable. I know I’m not alone. And, unfortunately, I can’t afford to go back to school. In a way, why would I? Why would I waste time and money getting yet another useless degree?


Being an adult sucks, but I love it (usually…)


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